Monday, January 7, 2008

When Morgan is not paying attention, bad things happen. Like near electrical fires that threaten to burn down an 11 story condominium building. I did say NEAR. Here, let me tell you the story through my thoughts as everything was happening.

"Well, I think that's enough statistics review for the moment. [Authors comment: Yes, I do get to go on to Stats 2! Not because I got the required 85%. Oh no, the final went very badly, but I get a second chance. That is why I will be studying statistics perpetually for the next 15 weeks.] My stomach's growling. Oh, noon? Well, then it's time for some lunchity-lunch! [Author's comment: I think weird things in my mind. Don't judge.] What do we have? Oatmeal? Nah, had that for breakfast. Ramen? Kind of gross, not nearly as good as the meals I've been having at home and on the cruise ship. Oh well. One packet left. Guess that'll be good. Okay, pot, water, two-thirds full, put it on the stove, bottom left burner. Hmm, the new waffle iron that Chad's folks gave us for Christmas is sitting on the stove. Oh well, I'll just use this bottom left one and make sure not to turn the right burners on. Okie doke, burner on high, and I think I'll go do some transcribing right here at the kitchen table while I wait for the water to boil. [Transcribing with headphones on and back toward stove.] Out of the corner of my eye, I think I see a bit of smoke! Well, it's probably the water boiling over. Let's look. HOLY $^!%! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! That's not the right side of the stove! No, no, no! That's where the waffle iron is! I can't see - too much smoke! What do I do first? Fire? No. Turn burner off! Get waffle iron off? Okay, putting on the oven mitts. Or should I open windows? Crap, if the fire alarm goes off, all the 95 year old handicapped people have to evacuate! Open the windows! Wait, first put down teh oven mitts to open the windows. Okay, turn on the fans. Crap, the waffle iron is still on the stove! Okay, back in the kitchen, grab it! Wait, where are my oven mitts?? By the window! Geez, it's hard to breathe running around with this burning rubber smell and smoke, can't see where I put the oven mitts! There they are! Okay, pick them up, put them on, go grab the waffle iron. Where do I put it? Not on the other side of the stove, not on the counter - sink! Okay, good. No fire, won't melt anything. Yikes, it melted right down to the wires. Man, if those wires had caught, whole apartment up in flames! Would I have even known how to put that out?! Yikes, that stovetop looks bad... $2,000 to replace it, we can't afford that! Oh man, there goes the fire alarm! Make sure vents and fans on, windows open. Move Chad's suit so it doesn't get smoke damage! Okay, I should go downstairs to tell them there's no fire. [Author's comment: I would call downstairs, but I lost my cell phone yesterday.] Get keys, open door. "Hi Charles! [Maintenance Man] It's coming from my room. There's no fire, just burned something on my stove." [Charles comes in, checks things out, radios downstairs, leaves to get a fan.]

Well, it's smoky in here, think I'll stand by the balcony. Sirens? Are you kidding me? Yep, here comes the fire squad. Knock on the door, maybe Charles? Nope. FIVE firemen in full suits AND the FIRE MARSHALL! Hey, don't slam the door, you knocked my clock off the wall! Great, now everyone's going to know what a major scatterbrain I am, even the Nashville fire marshall.... At least they're bringing a high-power fan to get this crazy smoke out."

Well, I hope that little trip was as fun for you as it was for me. Kids, don't EVER leave ANYTHING on the stove. Except for pots and pans. Everything else WILL catch fire! And we didn't even get to make a waffle with our brand new waffle iron. At least the stove is okay. We scraped off the melted plastic, and it works fine. I emailed Chad - again, no phone - who came home quickly, made sure I was alright, and then started laughing. It was kind of funny. All-in-all, just some smoke and a melted waffle iron. And an embarrassed Morgan. And upset old people.

Be safe, readers, be safe.


  1. I couldn't believe that you almost burned down your apartment building and nobody left any comments, so I thought I should leave a comment. Do you think it means that nobody's surprised, like "oh silly Morgan, almost set fire to a building, she's been doing that since she was old enough to strike a match." That's what I think it means.

  2. well, thanks for voicing the family's overwhelming vote of incompetence

  3. Ok, Ok, break up the lovely family bonding time. Well, the reason I didn't comment was because I heard that fantastic story over Christmas so it was old news. But really, Darce, that's a little harsh. I mean nobody EXPECTS this kind of thing- we simply arn't that surprised. Morgan, I didn't know you hated wafles so much. anonymous

  4. hmm, what a mysterious poster you are

  5. My guess is Miss Whitney MacDonald

  6. 10 pts to Darcy
    Who is Mr. Bugabaloo?

  7. Man, Darcy always wins. Whit, you're entirely too tricky. Mr. Bugabaloo is also a trick fellow, although he doesn't actually exist.

    I guess all this action in the comments section means I should post again.